How to Help People & Let Them Help You

Someone says "tell me how I can help" and you go completely blank. Not because you don't need help. You're drowning. But somebody just opened the door and you can't name a single thing to walk through it with.

In this episode, Rachel argues that the blank stare isn't a character flaw. It's a preparation gap.

People compliment Rachel's community constantly "you have the best people, you're so blessed, you got lucky with Birmingham. " And she'll be the first to say she's blessed. But none of it was luck. Every one of those relationships was built on purpose, mostly years before she ever needed anybody. Which means the community available to her is almost certainly available to you.

This summer, Rachel started taking actual notes on it: what helped, what didn't, what felt clunky, what she'd do one degree differently next time. What she ended up with wasn't a feelings list. It was almost a system — and she's handing the whole thing over here.

Next week: Everything we call independence — I've got it, I don't want to be a burden — Rachel thinks a lot of it is actually control. Same fear underneath both: if I don't hold this, it falls apart. She sits down with Lysa TerKeurst to talk about her brand-new book, Making Peace with What I Can't Control. Listen to these two back to back. They're one conversation.

Mentioned in this episode: Xuan Zhao & Nicholas Epley's research in Psychological Science · Jeffrey Hall on the hours friendship takes · Jason VanRuler, Get Past Your Past · Dr. Alison Cook, The Best of You · Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith, Sacred Rest (free rest assessment at RestQuiz.com) · Lysa TerKeurst, Making Peace with What I Can't Control

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